


Bolton Taxis

by orphan_account



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Dialogue Fic, Gen, Modern AU, bolton taxis, just a bit of fun :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-29 02:48:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15063347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I live near a town called Bolton, and regularly drive past companies that are named after the town, or vans with logos named after the town (Bolton Tiles, Bolton Kitchens, Bolton Bathroom Solutions etc.) Naturally my tiny brain finds this hilarious, so I wrote a dialogue focused AU which records the Bolton-centric events of ASOIAF as a series of orders for taxis and minicabs.





	Bolton Taxis

  **Taxi for: Theon Greyjoy**

**From: Winterfell House to City Centre**

"Taxi for a Mr Greyjoy, party of three?"

"Woo! Yes, the party is here! C'mon Robb, you are going to love this! Make sure you have cash, yeah?"

"What  _exactly_  are you going to buy him Theon, you know if Cat finds out..."

"Oh stop complaining, Jon, geeze you're worse than his dad. We're going to, y'know,  _enjoy_  ourselves. Get in the damn taxi."

 

 

**Taxi for: Jon Snow**

**From: Winterfell House to Wall Training Camp**

 "Taxi for Mr Snow, heading north?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Just the one bag?"

"Yeah."

"Heading to the training camp, you joining the army?"

"Yeah."

"I've heard it's pretty tough up there. All sorts of types. Mind you, someone's got to stop the wildlings coming over the border, haven't they? Come down here, taking our jobs."

"... yeah."

 

 

**Minicab for: Robert Stark**

**From: Winterfell to the Trident**

"Group booking for Mr Stark heading south?"

"C'mon Robb, that's you. You're Mr Stark now. You got all your training gear?"

"Yeah. Theon - it's ... it's going to be fine, isn't it?"

"Course it is! You can take on that Jamie no problem. You've been training for ages, it'll work out great. You've got all the gear, and if you need any more funding and shit I can go ask my father. You know, my actual father."

"Your father?"

"Oh yeah, he's loaded. I bet he's loaded. C'mon, get in the cab and cheer up! Big John get this guy a beer, he's gonna be king of the world!"

 

 

**Taxi for: Theon Greyjoy**

**From: The Trident to Harbour** **[Note: Ferry connection at 14:50]**

 "Taxi for Mr Greyjoy?"

"Yeah that's me! You can't be late, yeah, I can't miss my connection. You got the ferry time?"

"Yes, Mr Greyjoy, we've got all the times."

"Great. It's just really important, you know? My dad'll have someone to meet me on the other side, and I don't want them waiting. You know I haven't seen him for like ten years. Haha, I did call ahead, I left a message so he'll know I'm coming. Did I say I didn't see him for ten years?"

"You said, Mr Greyjoy."

"Haha. I can't wait. I'm his oldest son y'know? His only son. That's important, right? I mean it wasn't really his fault I got taken into foster care, so it's not like that's what he  _wanted_  or anything, I bet he can't wait to see me. Is my tie straight?"

"Your tie looks fine, Mr Greyjoy."

"Yeah. It's silk. Robb got it for me last year. It's really good quality, it's like from Milan. I mean it's not like my dad would recognise - he's not into that kind of shit - but I want to look smart, you know? Make a good first impression - well obviously not a  _first_  impression haha he's seen me before but you know what I mean, right?"

"It's a nice tie, Mr Greyjoy."

"Oh god is that traffic? Why is there traffic round the Trident at this time of day?  _Shit_! I'm going to miss my  _shitting_  ferry."

 

 

**Minibus for: Theon Greyjoy**

**From: Harbour to Winterfell House**

"Group booking for Mr Greyjoy heading to Winterfell House?"

"Yeah, that's me, OK Harrag get in and-"

"Wait, we're going to Winterfell? What the fuck?"

" _Yes_  we're going to Winterfell. Get in."

"Why are we going to Winterfell?"

"Because I said so. Get in the minibus."

"Hold on, your father said-"

"Get in the  _fucking_  cab  _right now_."

 

 

**Taxi for: Yara Greyjoy**

**From: Harbour to Winterfell House and back (round trip)**

"Taxi for Miss Greyjoy?"

"Yep that's me, except I asked for a minibus."

"Says here taxi for one."

"Yeah but I should be coming back with - ah forget it. Just drive. You can wait at Winterfell for a bit before we come back?"

"Of course, Miss Greyjoy."

"Good. I need to collect my dumbass brother."

 

 

**Taxi for: Theon Greyjoy**

**From: Winterfell House to **Wall Training Camp****

"Taxi for Mr Greyjoy?"

"Yes! Yes. Go. l - Just go. Now. God it stinks in here."

"Sorry Mr Greyjoy, I've got a skin condition."

"Oh ... OK. Yeah. Doesn't matter. Just go. Go!"

"You joining the army, Mr Greyjoy?"

"What? Yeah. No. I don't know. I just need to get out."

"You got anyone meeting you there?"

"No - just drive OK?"

"Are you running away Mr Greyjoy?"

"Shut the fuck up! It's none of your damn business. I just want - just drive. Anywhere."

"Sure thing Mr Greyjoy, you're the boss."

"I just didn't think it would turn out like that. I thought - I don't know what I thought. But I didn't think it would be like that."

"Sounds like you've had a rough time Mr Greyjoy."

"Oh god it's been awful. Just - hey, where are you going? That's not the turning."

"You said to drive anywhere Mr Greyjoy."

"Yeah but ... obviously I didn't mean  _anywhere_ , where are you-"

"Sit down Mr Greyjoy, I know where I'm going."

"Stop it, turn around. Turn ar- owww! Stop it!"

 

 

 

**Wedding car booking: Robb Stark**

**Location: Twins Castle**

 "Wedding car, Stark?"

"Yeah, it's not actually for me, it's for my Uncle, sorry there was a change of plan..."

"OK Mr Stark, do we need to change the display?"

"No, no, same display, it's fine. Just can you change the name on the sign? Tully. Yeah, two l's."

"OK Stark, we'll need you to get into the car now."

"What no - it's for my Uncle, I'll just get him to-"

"Get in the car Mister Stark."

 

* * *

 

**BOLTON CONSTABULARY: POLICE INCIDENCE REPORT**

**Nature of the incident** : Kidnap of Mrs Bolton and theft of Taxicab by employee of Bolton Taxis

**Place of the incident** : Deepwood House, Bolton

**Date and time of the incident** : September 21st, 04:35 am

**Full description of the incident** : Mr Roose Bolton reports being awakened by a loud scream coming from the taxi rank, which he believed to be from his daughter-in-law Mrs Sansa Bolton. Upon arriving at the taxi rank, he found two of the night-time security guards lying unconscious on the ground, and damage to three vehicles. A further vehicle was later reported missing. It is believed that Mrs Bolton was kidnapped by an unnamed employee of Bolton Taxis, and that the kidnapper left in the stolen vehicle (see registration number overleaf). The suspect is believed to be heading north.


End file.
